The Blotter: Who Will Protect Gotham Now?

As a public service, The City Desk periodically offers up selected items culled from local police reports. (Note: More violent, standard items do not frequently show up here, as they are covered in the local papers with regularity.)

7:29 AM
700 block of Westmont Street: 26-year old man found sleeping in backyard hot tub of ex-girlfriend.

10:41 AM
1300 block of Farmer Avenue: Vandals have swapped prices on lot models at Uvalde’s Used Autos. Police are unable to locate perpetrators, but successfully quell a public disturbance when a number of customers all insist on purchasing a 2005 Lexus sedan that has been marked at a price of $29.99.

10:58 AM
1600 block of Villers Street: Assault and battery reported at Lula’s Hair-Did beauty salon. A 28-year-old female is taken into custody and charged with attacking another customer with her artificial fingernails.

11:14 AM
1400 block of Eudora Way: Police, acting on tips from an informant who has been working with them for over eight months, break up a gambling ring operating out of the basement of a residential home. Eleven people are charged with illegal betting, RICO violations, and animal cruelty for operating the city’s largest kitten racing racket to date.

12:51 PM
Corner of Landon and Montana Streets: Man reports 1985 Dodge Aries station wagon stolen. While in a heated argument with a man and woman over the price of a stereo system purchased over the Web site “Craigslist,” two other individuals got into his car and drove it away. The theft occurred two days before the victim filed a report. The man and woman apparently have no involvement in the car theft.

2:10 PM
1700 block of Whittier Way: A suspect is taken into custody after having exposed his sexual organ to a number of visitors to a gas station restroom. Officers are unconvinced by his claim to be Batman, conducting important investigation into a case involving the Royal Flush Gang.

2:54 PM
2400 block of Moncton Avenue: Officers issue multiple citations in a five-car pile-up. What would ordinarily be a routine traffic accident is legally complicated by the fact that the initial collision, between an extra-long stretch limousine and a Cooper Mini, caused the second vehicle to careen nearly a block and come to rest after knocking over a pedestrian on the 300 block of Kells Way, which is technically in the jurisdiction of the neighboring suburb of Goliad.

3:31 PM
1600 block of Terwilliger Park Avenue: Police are dispatched to break up a gang fight. Upon arrival, officers discover a group of well-dressed young men who, three days ago, had been encountered by officers after a previous report of gang violence, but who were released without charges when they claimed to have been rehearsing dance numbers from West Side Story. After questioning, however, it becomes clear that this was simply a ruse to cover up for actual fighting. Seven are arrested, two are detained and then released, and one confused young man from a local theater company is held until his mother can come get him.

5:19 PM
100 block Hayes Lane, President Heights: Dog in tree.

11:00 PM
200 block 15th Street: In ParkSafe ramp adjacent to the Academy Theater, 63 cars are broken into, GPS devices stolen.
– Leonard Pierce, RJ White

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